In a Dominant/submissive (D/s), Master/slave (M/s), or whatever relationship dynamic you and your partner have adapted, there’s always the unmistakable presence of power exchange. One enforces the rules, which both have previously agreed to, while the other follows, ideally, without question.

Strength is one of the core elements of BDSM. It’s a physical, emotional, and psychological presence that gives doms and masters control over the relationship. So long as the sub’s limits remain unviolated, a dom uses strength in various scenarios, for example, when issuing punishments and in verbal humiliation.

And then there’s that certain area of BDSM that takes strength and power to a different plane. We’re talking about consensual non-consent or CNC, which is a type of kink play in which the use of force, in its many forms, is rather prevalent. It’s a blanket label that covers several BDSM plays.

In our many BDSM beginner guides, we’ve stressed the importance of consent time and again—that nothing outside of agreed terms should be forced upon a sub, full stop. “So what’s with this ‘non-consent’ garbage all of a sudden?”, you might ask while nearly dropping your ben wa balls in shock and rage. We know. It’s a bit confusing given that the term seemingly contradicts itself.

But we assure you that there’s a good chance that you’re more familiar with CNC than you may think. So what does CNC kink play entail exactly? Is it a license to commit sexual atrocities? We’ll look into these questions and then some in this post.

The qualifier “consensual” before the cringe-inducing “non-consent” should give away the core idea of what the kink is all about. The sub consents to having non-consensual acts done to them. By all accounts, it’s an extreme level of play. CNC probably embodies the roughest, dirtiest, and most depraved aspects of BDSM.

What are non-consensual acts?

Rape is a prime example of something that most, if not all people wouldn’t want to happen to them. It forces sex upon an unwilling person and greatly diminishes their humanity. Therefore, rape play is one of the most common scenarios in CNC play.

A non-consensual act in the CNC context is also relative to the sub’s preferences. Generally, as long as the sub has an extreme dislike for the act, then tag it as “non-consensual”. For example, if they have a particularly strong aversion to urine play or “watersports”, the dom may negotiate it into the scene with the sub’s consent.

One of the points of CNC is the perceived breaching of previously established boundaries. It’s upping the risk factor of your BDSM relationship and seeing if it does something positive for both of you.

You perform acts that normally count as criminal and objectively unacceptable in the real world. In turn, you expect a different kind of rush from the one you get from the more curated BDSM stuff that you’re used to.

Do limits go out the window?

Consent still holds all the cards in CNC. The structure of the role play differs to varying degrees, but looking over everything are the sub’s limits. However, in CNC, you set the bar to a new level. It revolves around an entirely different set of agreements.

You must both recognize and accept that things may reach a degree of intensity that neither of you is probably used to nor comfortable with. Your negotiations should cover all the possibilities that may arise from this. Will the CNC scene involve beatings? What types of impact play will you allow? Will torture come into play?

BDSM and the various kinks and fetishes that fall under it are never without boundaries. The limits move up or down, depending on the scenario and the terms you’ve agreed to. But they persist in one way or another.

What’s real and what’s not?

None of it is real on the whole. It’s all a simulation. You act out sex fantasies, albeit extreme ones, and that’s about it. You play as a victim of sexual assault or the one committing it.

In a perfect setting, you leave everything with the scene. When it’s over, it’s over. If you’re the recipient of the “non-consensual” acts and your limits were respected, you shouldn’t harbor ill feelings toward your dom. If you’re the dom, the abusive traits of the character you played shouldn’t leach out of CNC plays or your BDSM relationship.

Those new to CNC might find this easier said than done even when everything went without a hitch. Sure, it’s all pretend but the physical and emotional discomfort and, perhaps, the pain are real. Add the fact that you recreate horrific events that happen in the real world, and you’re looking at the possibility of serious trauma.

This is why getting into this particular kink needs careful organization, direct and open communication, absolute honesty, and trust. Enthusiastic consent loses a lot of its weight if the nasty details of CNC scenes aren’t clarified and hammered down to the last nail.

Realism, however, is an entirely different animal. The level of accuracy of your simulations depends entirely on the parties involved. Some CNC practitioners like drafting a script or even a storyboard of sorts, which they loosely follow. Others prefer a freestyle approach, with the dom withholding their methods and the flow of the CNC scenario. The latter often elicits more realistic reactions from the submissive.

Who Is CNC for?

CNC is not for everyone. That’s for sure. It’s erotic play at its base but, as we said, it’s extreme and much riskier than normal BDSM bedroom play. So why bother with CNC or consider it in the first place?

Many BDSM enthusiasts enjoy pushing their limits. These are the ones that have categorized bondage and other run-of-the-mill BDSM sex acts as vanilla. And when things get a bit repetitive and boring, they move up to more advanced fantasies, like play rape and so on.

If you’re a sub who very much enjoys the struggle and humiliation aspects of BDSM, then you might find CNC plays more pleasurable than other activities. Some subs use CNC, specifically rape play, as a means of washing their hands of guilt for enjoying the fantasy or just sex in general.

Termed as “sexual blame avoidance”, this theory suggests that since sex has been forced on them, the sub shouldn’t feel guilty, anxious, and regretful although they are a fantasizer themselves. All blame should go to the party that committed the “atrocity”.

On a more serious note, some people get into CNC because it helps them work through the trauma of past sexual abuse. They see it as a controlled and safe way of confronting demons and regaining some level of normalcy. It also stands as a coping mechanism for victims if they start negatively viewing the overall idea of sex and intimacy.

We should say that BDSM should not take the place of expert help entirely. If you’re experiencing painful or difficult emotions or are contemplating self-harm, please seek out a specialist.

Of course, there’s always the simple fact that you may want to jump into CNC in the name of adventure and experimentation.

Having a Safe Word: Yea or Nay?

Establishing a safe word for a CNC scene is quite a divisive topic in the BDSM community. On one hand, having a safe word is an integral part of all BDSM kink plays as it’s a powerful tool for upholding limits and boundaries.

On the other hand, many consider employing a safe word distracts from the goals of CNC plays—that it diminishes the authenticity of scenarios dramatically. There’s some sense in that argument. It’s an extreme type of kink for a reason. And, if realism is what you’re after, having an instant kill switch does seem counterintuitive.

However, things can quickly become one-sided without a safe word. Fun and pleasure may turn into legitimate abuse on a dime. So, if our arm were twisted for a recommendation, we say keep the safe word in, especially if you’re just feeling your way through the kink.

The safe word is there to revoke “consent” in “consensual non-consent”. If you’re more experienced and have developed enough trust to know when to stop as needed, perhaps you can ditch the safe word. However, this requires a lot of workshopping and tremendous knowledge of your partner and your relationship at large.

Immersion plays a huge role in CNC. Don’t worry about “spoiling” it if it means not inflicting or incurring any real physical or emotional damage.

Rape Play and Other Forced Sex Fantasies

Rape play is an intense scene for sure. But there’s a lot more to CNC than that particular scenario. Here are a few more fantasy suggestions.

1. Somnophilia and hypnosis

If having sex with a sleeping person arouses you sexually then you might be a somnophiliac. The term also applies to someone who’s turned on by the idea of getting sexual attention while they’re unconscious. The uncertainty of the situation may also bring sexual pleasure. Did something really happen? Only the dom knows, and they may never tell.

Somnophilia, to a degree, is an extension of the rape kink for the strong sense of unwillingness present in said act. Faking unconsciousness might work if the sub is good at acting asleep. It’s safe but ultimately inauthentic.

We are strongly against using hard drugs or employing a licensed anesthesiologist just to knock out a partner or yourself. A safe-ish alternative is planning your session around a night of heavy drinking. Maybe Friday night can also be somnophilia night. Just make sure you have a barf bag ready.

Perhaps the safest way of inducing a level of unconsciousness is through hypnosis, which is another CNC play in itself. It banks on a couple of factors. First, one of you needs to learn the skill. The second factor is susceptibility to hypnotherapy. This might pose a challenge since only one in seven people is known to display hypnotic receptiveness.

Note that sleep hypnosis is nothing like what you see in pop media. You don’t fall asleep when someone snaps their fingers. It’s a series of treatments that address underlying factors that keep someone from having a night of restful sleep.

The kink side of it is the person becomes more open to the power of suggestion. They become more obedient. If you want them to act like a cat, they’ll be more inclined to submit even if it’s something they hate doing. It’s not total mind control, so manage your expectations. Of course, informed consent always comes first.

2. Kidnapping/abduction

Things are getting spicier now. One of you gets kidnapped and held against their will. This goes great with bondage and torture play. It’s very physical and often requires a large “play area”. The sub gets imprisoned in a room where the dom has their way with them.

3. Breathplay

Breathplay covers a lot of ground. Your scene may include simulated drowning, suffocation or asphyxiation, or getting stuffed into a non-breathable vessel, such as a garbage bag or even a straight-up body bag.

Air deprivation is incredibly risky. Make sure you’ve made the necessary precautions beforehand. For example, if you’ll fake drown your partner, don’t do it in a full pool or bathtub. Stretch a tarp out on the top of your pool and hose a bit of water over it. This way, there’s still the sensation of having a lot of water around you but the sub doesn’t get fully submerged and is easily pulled out if things get a bit hairy.

Blackmail, home intrusion, and selling the sub off to slavery are a couple more good examples of CNC plays. Overarching is entirely possible. Use multiple kinks in one scene and create elaborate storylines. Incorporate your sub’s specific peeves into your play if you want a more bespoke experience.

Tips for Setting Up a CNC Scene

Here’s a short checklist of the things you’ll need for you to get the most out of your CNC kink play.

1. Negotiate and clarify

Set goals and specify your reasons for wanting to get into CNC. What does the submissive aim to achieve? Is it for the feeling of a total loss of power and control? Do they want to get brutalized on top of getting humiliated? Does the dom want to experience a more primal level of sexual high from simulating abhorrent acts?

Communicate these facts and feelings with each other. Know the psychology behind the decisions of everyone involved. If certain expectations and explanations seem fishy and may have the tendency to cause irreversible damage, don’t hesitate to speak up. Clear the air of any doubt before engaging in such a risky undertaking as CNC.

Don’t forget about the practical goals as well. Is orgasm part of the equation? If so, is it for both parties or is it just for the dom as part of sexual torture? Will you be assuming roles or using fake names?

If you think it’ll help, create a BDSM contract. Having a physical copy of the laundry list of your conditions makes things easier for you to pinpoint problematic areas, ones that need work, and identify details that you may have overlooked in your verbal negotiations.

2. Establish limits

This is the part where you decide on whether or not a safe word will come into play. Again, we recommend leaving it in but you have the final word.

Identify positive and negative triggers—actions or words that set off either good sexual and sensual sensations or bad reactions from past trauma or injury. Determine the play intensity and level of physicality that you’ll use for the session. How loud is too loud in terms of verbal play?

This is also a good time for listing down the tools and toys you’ll need for the scene. Get your ropes and paddles in order. Never use real weapons, like actual kitchen knives or tasers. You can get realistic fake weapons from specialty shops, such as martial arts training or props stores.

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3. CNC scene logistics and safety

You’re all grown adults with adult things to do sort out daily. Odds are you can’t afford to drop everything you do just because you suddenly got the taste for a sexy fake kidnapping in the middle of a workday.

Some people may have this luxury and some certainly think that spontaneity adds tons of authenticity to CNC scenes. But most people will probably prefer having it down on their Google Calendar. It’s just less stressful having things scheduled ahead of time.

One upside of this is you have something to look forward to. And you don’t run the risk of legitimately angering your partner because you quietly crept up behind them and covered their mouth with your hand when they had a long, hard day at work. But if you have the wherewithal and energy for impromptu CNC, then by all means have at it.

Of course, safety is your number one priority. CNC kink play is much more intense across the board. Have a well-stocked first-aid kit around at all times. Make sure you always have some way of communicating with emergency services just in case.

Expect a lot more kicking and screaming as well as running around your scene locations. Mind your terrain. Make sure the floors are dry and you don’t accidentally run into that one sharp corner of your kitchen counter.

And speaking of screaming, note how much noise and visible ruckus you’ll make. You don’t want your neighbors calling the cops on you thinking an actual crime is happening. See if soundproofing is necessary. This is also why proper and careful scheduling is important.

CNC is riskier than most BDSM endeavors but it can be incredibly rewarding if done correctly. And doing it correctly includes none of you ending up in an ambulance or a police squad car after a session of play fighting gone wrong.

4. Know your local laws

Did you know that sodomy or anal sex is illegal in 16 US states? Because heaven forbid that you have sex without the intention of squeezing out another human being. Public sex and nudity are illegal in most states. In some, it’s a minor misdemeanor, while in others, getting it on publicly is full-on criminalized.

We recommend knowing your local laws regarding sex acts because CNC is consensual depravity at its peak. And, depending on your specific kinks, you may put yourselves at risk of getting jailed for indulging in them.

Maybe getting caught is part of the plan. It adds to the thrill, especially since handcuffs are involved. No one will disagree that getting arrested gets the heart rate going. But we implore you to consider less incriminating means of getting your rocks off. It’s all fun and games until you get a RAP sheet.

CNC is a highly concentrated experience. Its distilled nature calls for a more nuanced approach to aftercare.

The sub drop is when the sub’s “high” starts to wane as the “happy hormones” conclude their job. It’s marked with exhaustion in every sense of the word. There’s physical and emotional fatigue. Some subs report feeling extremely cold and detached.

After a CNC session, these effects are often amplified exponentially. The sub may feel like not interacting with the dom in any way after the scene. They may even cry or show signs of hostility. The dom should give way to whatever their sub needs as they gradually regain their sense of balance.

It’s the dom’s job to understand and not be offended by the effects of the sub drop after CNC. Expect these side effects even if everything went according to plan. Nothing should be taken personally. If they need space and quiet time, then that’s what they get.

This is where a good knowledge of the sub comes in handy. Once they show signs of being open to socializing, the dom must administer aftercare tailored to the sub’s preferences. If they love cuddles and sweet treats, then they should get a heck of a cuddling and a lovely spread of premium Belgian chocolates.

Don’t forget about the sub’s mental aftercare requirements. Talk about topics that make them happy. Ask them about their day and weekend plans—anything that will purge their mind of the bad vibes that still creep around in their head.

Even though they consented to and enjoyed, say, being fake raped, it’s still a heinous act that many people have suffered from in the real world. Everyone will find it difficult not to make that association. So the sub should never be faulted for displaying seemingly difficult behavior after a CNC scene.

The Ethics of CNC

It’s expected that the general public or even some members of the BDSM community consider CNC unethical. They argue that it fetishizes and makes light of real trauma, specifically sexual assault and that it practically legalizes abuse in its ugliest form.

However, as we’ve established time and time again, context is always key in any BDSM kink. At its core, it’s pretend play between two consenting adults and nothing more. Pleasure without causing any real and lasting harm is always the goal. Limits are known and respected unconditionally. These are what outsiders constantly fail to understand.

We reiterate that some victims of sexual assault turn to CNC as a way of dealing with trauma head-on. Yes, it’s very on the nose but there’s no one way of tackling trauma. Everyone’s circumstances and methods differ. And if CNC is their way of finally moving forward, then people should respect their decision.

You, dear reader, as someone who is interested in CNC and might take up the kink in the future, must always remember to go into it with the right intentions. Your reasons must be sane and sensible. If you’re thinking that this is finally your chance to commit acts of sexual violence and get away with them, then turn around and leave immediately.

When used and executed with the healthiest possible attitude and in the best possible manner, CNC can become a wonderfully satisfying and exciting element of a D/s relationship. A good D/s couple retains their integrity and dignity outside of their BDSM relationship. And the ethics of other people shouldn’t keep them from enjoying the harmless things they do in their own time.