What is TPE Kink?

In BDSM, there are hundreds of pairings to be found in various forms of roleplaying. However, at the top of the BDSM pyramid is the total power exchange (TPE) relationship—a ²⁴⁄₇ arrangement where the dominant partner has complete authority over the submissive not just in the bedroom, but in life.

Total power exchange takes the usual BDSM power dynamic outside of the four walls of the bedroom. It can seep into every aspect of the submissive’s life, which is why the lifestyle is sometimes regarded as consensual slavery. This can manifest in physical, emotional, social, mental, financial, spiritual, or even vocational forms—and yes, it is that intense!

Needless to say, a TPE relationship is not very practical to do in real life, which is why this arrangement only has a few handfuls of followers.

BDSM is already experimental enough to begin with, but couples who have grown used to the usual antics can opt for something that involves a lot more high protocol, which is where the TPE kink steps in. Total power exchange is one way to incorporate more stakes in a typical D/s relationship. Most couples engaged in the total power exchange will agree to a set of terms and limits beforehand as part of the written negotiation.

From an outsider’s perspective, total power exchange can look a lot like abuse, which is why we recommend only people who’ve known each other for a while get into one—otherwise, you’re better off doing one-night stands. Whatever you do, don’t involve yourself with partners with a history of manipulation or instability lest you lose actual control of your life.

What Can Total Power Exchange Look Like?

One of the most common dynamics found in TPE relationships is the master/slave combination. This isn’t to say that every couple should pattern themselves after it—you’re free to choose your permanent role if your dominant says so. Like any other skill, inhabiting a particular role takes practice, so don’t feel ashamed in your struggle to get into the headspace. It takes time.

Compared to pet/owner, daddy dom/little girl, boss/secretary, and other similar variations, the master/slave relationship connotes a much more intense and irreversible kind of power exchange.

Historically, master/slave relationships of the past are also bound by a written contract, especially when the slave is used as currency to pay off debt. The difference, of course, lies in the submissive’s initial agency to give away his or her consent to the dominant.

However, not every TPE relationship plays out the same. In fact, there might be more overall differences than similarities from couple to couple. Some dominants enjoy micro-managing every decision and action the submissive makes, while others not so much.

So, what can a TPE kink look like?

Limited basic activity

The most rigid TPE relationships will involve the submissive losing freedom that even the youngest of children are granted. The submissive is expected to ask for permission before using the restroom, eating a meal, or heading to sleep. Nothing else screams absolute control than your dominant partner telling you you aren’t allowed to empty your bladder just yet.

Other more adult limitations can include the loss of freedom to masturbate, to orgasm, and to touch the dominant unless permission is received to do so.

Rituals in place

Perhaps the most common ritual in TPE relationships is the honorific “master” or “mistress” whenever the submissive speaks to the dominant. Doing so is one of the quickest ways to transition from a normal headspace to a submissive headspace.

In a classic master/slave arrangement, the dominant might also demand the submissive to kneel in front or back away from them upon entering a room. The simple but loud gesture is understood as a sign of respect to the person in charge.

Another example is sending good morning texts to the dominant on a daily basis. Anything goes as long as consistency is in the picture.

Controlled finances

Financial domination is nothing new in BDSM, but controlling the submissive’s finances takes this lifestyle to a whole new level.

A few centuries back, masters would take care of slaves, ensuring they are well enough to keep laboring for them. There was no need for slaves to own or make money because their masters were already providing for every basic necessity. A hark back to those times, the dominant might similarly provide for the slave’s every need, eliminating the slave’s agency to create a sense of dependency on the dominant in return.

Endless servitude

Servicing a dominant is more than donning a slutty maid outfit—although it could definitely be part of it! The role of a submissive is to serve the dominant through the performance of personal tasks. They’re a waitress, chauffeur, maid, and housekeeper rolled into one!

The dominant could order them to give a massage, make a favorite drink, or do household chores. In some cases, the dominant might even specify how the submissive ought to serve them: with a smile, in silence, or while nude. This practice is often recognized as service-oriented submission.

Here’s also something healthy to keep in mind: just because it’s a ²⁴⁄₇ arrangement doesn’t mean safewords are out of the picture. Hard and soft limits can still be retained upon discussion. Given the longer duration of this “scene,” the dominant will have to refer back to the contract every now and then to ensure no boundaries are overstepped.

The very nature of total power exchange also presents a situation that makes it terribly easy to overstep boundaries, which is why a submissive should only enter this agreement with a dominant they already trust.

What Does It Mean To Have Complete Control?

Contrary to what most people think, having a ²⁴⁄₇ arrangement with control at the core doesn’t require both of you to live together. Just like long-distance relationships, fully committing to your partner is possible even when they’re not physically present with you.

In the same way, a total power exchange set-up can thrive on the rare level of commitment both parties have for each other, creating a more meaningful bond that isn’t just hinged on force or proximity.

BaadMaster of Kink Weekly argued that there’s no such thing as total power exchange. Realistically, the submissive can walk away at any time even if the duration of the term hasn’t expired. And the written contract that binds the TPE relationship isn’t exactly something you’d want to bring to court if one of you ends it prematurely.

He goes on to explain an alternative perspective on the nature of total power exchange: “We should think of ‘total power exchange’ as being an idealized goal rather than an attainable one. As the relationship evolves, and as the trust level increases, more and more power flows to the dominant. Total power exchange is a destination you get closer and closer to, but never arrive at.”

Poetic, isn’t it?

What’s In It For The Submissive?

If it’s not yet clear enough at this point, we want to stress that total power exchange isn’t just about following a set of rigid rules. Control can also entail a practice in infantilism. In this set-up, the submissive is encouraged to let go of real life apprehensions that adults usually concern themselves with and just adhere to the simple tasks asked of them.

You might be asking yourself: what can a submissive get out of this?

Total power exchange serves to fulfill both parties in its own unique way—submissives included. There is empowerment in surrendering complete control to the dominant. Doing so allows the submissive to understand how powerful they were in the first place.

In a personal account by The Ethical Dom, she explained the allure of the role: “I get off on meeting the needs of others. I am much more interested in fulfilling another’s needs over my own. It’s not as selfless as it sounds, it makes me incredibly happy.”

Serving others is enough to keep the submissive satisfied, but it doesn’t mean the responsibility stops there. Like any relationship, total power exchange requires a give-and-take arrangement.

TPE relationships aren’t always tipped to the dominant’s favor, either. After all, they have to be taking charge all of the time, which is quite a responsibility to have. If anything, the submissive has it easier: they are given the safe space to let loose and have everything decided for them.

Granted, the dominant can order the submissive around as he wishes, but at the end of the day, he should be able to fulfill the submissive enough—physically, emotionally, etc.—to make the arrangement worthwhile for both parties.

The dominant is expected to care for the submissive just as a parent would with a child. Not very many people realize that there is great freedom found in the role of a submissive. No dilemmas, no considerations, no discussion—whatever the dominant says goes.

What About Everything That Comes After?

Say a TPE relationship comes to a natural conclusion: maybe one of you isn’t enjoying it as they hoped they would or they can’t afford to prioritize this lifestyle anymore with everything going on. At some point in your TPE journey, endings like these are inevitable, especially given how high-risk the nature of the relationship can be.

If the submissive wants out at some point in time, what happens then? Should that degree of agency be respected? What if the submissive had agreed that the arrangement can’t ever be terminated? What if the duration of the relationship hasn’t ended as written? Is the contract so easily rendered null and void?

It isn’t just the submissive who could tap out, either. Even the dominant might find themselves exhausted from all the effort that is being put into the relationship.

Total power exchange is filled with gray areas. There are many questions that even long-practicing TPE couples still don’t have the answers to, which makes drafting a contract on what can be established all the more important.

Drafting The Power Exchange In Contract

Drafting a contract is a lengthy process. There’s no shortcut to this—and there shouldn’t be one—given the importance of rules and boundaries in an arrangement that could easily be abused.

The success of total power exchange is hinged on the many, many discussions that come before the session proper. Most partners will agree to a set of terms and limits beforehand, which can be renegotiated if it becomes necessary.

There’s no set contract for TPE relationships, but some of the most common ones include the following: the term of the arrangement, the rights and responsibilities of each party, the soft and hard limits, the rewards and punishments, and the confidentiality of the clause.

But there’s much more weight attached to a total power exchange compared to the usual BDSM contracts you might be used to.

For one, this arrangement goes beyond sexual matters like clothes tearing, sex toys, marking, and even contraceptive use. You’ll also need to account for the amount of lifestyle exposure you and your partner are willing to show in public as well as the proper handling of personal finances involved. For instance, most couples make use of a low protocol approach in public situations with other people, where formal honorifics are instead reserved for private spaces.

Of course, the contract doesn’t have to be written in a way that’s overly technical or legalistic. Keep it simple and straightforward. That said, couples are encouraged to be as meticulous as possible in the contract. After all, how the submissive’s entire life will go is now completely in the dominant’s hands.

While there aren’t many TPE contracts online as it’s not the most popular lifestyle out there, there are a number of BDSM contract templates you can use as a guide. Build up on it as necessary.

Here are some questions you might want to consider in drafting the contract:

• Should family and friends be informed about the arrangement?
• Is the workplace off-limits?
• What are some activities the submissive is allowed to do without permission?
• What is the procedure for when safewords are used?
• Is the submissive allowed to revoke his or her consent back?
• How are sleep control, bathroom control, and food control regarded in the set-up?
• Which sexual kinks are off-limits? (e.g. gun play, scat, blood, bestiality, torture, rape play)
• Is the dominant allowed to make any long-term or irreversible changes to the submissive’s appearance?
• What, to me, will constitute an abusive relationship?

There are hundreds of kinks out there, so make sure to do some heavy research on the many variations. If something isn’t listed as a soft or hard limit, the dominant might consider it as a green light. If you’re unsure about a certain kink, a good rule of thumb is to automatically list it as a hard pass as to not cause any possible discomfort on your end. You can always take it off later anyway.

Because the TPE kink encompasses a wide range of life, contract renegotiation is often encouraged, if not altogether expected. Don’t just jump right into a TPE relationship—make sure to work your way through it from the ground up. Start with a week-long scene as a sort of trial period enacting soft and hard limits in place. When the arrangement ends, revise the original contract as necessary.

Ready For A Total Power Exchange Relationship?

In the end, there is no such thing as absolute—at least not entirely. Total power exchange is a negotiated relationship with both parties looking out for each other’s best interests.

To get the full benefit of the set-up, draft a contract to establish personal wants and boundaries. What works for one TPE couple might not necessarily work for another. Have a lot of blunt and honest communication when you’re in one—God knows you’ll both need it.

Whatever you end up agreeing on, respect the partner you share total power exchange with. Dominant or submissive, you’re both equals outside of the contract and at the end of the day.