So you’re crushing on a trans man, and you want to take your relationship to the next level. Good for you! However, if you’ve never had sex with a trans man before, you may be feeling a bit pensive. That’s completely normal. Fortunately, we know of a way for you both to loosen up and get to know each other’s preferences before actually doing it for the first time — sexting!

Of course, even sexting can sometimes be daunting if you’ve never experienced sex with transgender people. We often worry about saying the wrong thing and hurting our partners’ feelings. But if you take the time to research some FTM sex tips, the transition from sexting to in-person activities will be much easier.

So whether you’re just curious about “having sex with a transexual person” (more on that later) or you want to know how to sweep your trans boyfriend off his feet, these trans man dating tips should help!

How to approach first-time sexting with a trans man

The way queer people approach sex is a great place to start learning how to have sex with a trans person. If you’ve only had typical heterosexual, cisnormative sex, you might see penis-in-vagina penetration as the “goal.” However, the mere existence of queer relationships challenges that notion. So let’s see how having sex with transgender people could change your preconceived notion of sex in general.

Sex with transgender people is like sex with any other person

So what is it like to have sex with a transexual person? Well, having sex with a trans man should be pretty similar to doing it with anyone else. But there are some terminology issues you’ll want to discuss before jumping into it. For example, you probably shouldn’t call them transexual, no matter how excited you are about having first-time sex with transexual people.

Ideally, you should approach all potential sexual partners with the same kind of honesty and openness. That includes being willing to expand your definition of sex to include a wide array of acts. But since we’re talking about sexting, it wouldn’t hurt to see it not only as a precursor to the “real thing” but also as a unique erotic experience in and of itself.

If you want to have sex with a trans man, have an honest conversation first

Before you exchange racy messages with your transgender sweetheart, you should discuss each other’s preferences. This conversation should ideally take place outside of the bedroom, in a low-pressure situation.

You can talk about whether they consider themselves a top, bottom, or switch. Many trans guys find penetration to be dysphoric, so sex may include them using a strap-on or other toys on you. They may not even like to receive oral sex. That’s something we ought to know before having sex with transgender people or sending them sexy texts.

Even if your trans boyfriend is open to being penetrated, we’d recommend using a lot of organic, water-based lube. After all, silicone lubricants don’t mesh well with silicone toys, and oil-based lubes can break down latex condoms. In any case, mentioning lube in one of your sexts could indicate to your trans lover that you’ve done your research and are ready to please them as they are.

Whether you’re having sex with a trans woman or a trans man — use gender-affirming language

Remember, some trans people are more sensitive than others as far as their body parts are concerned. So, make sure you find out which words they use to describe their body parts before going any further.

Trans men may not want you to call attention to their privates in a way that invalidates their gender identity. We should especially avoid doing so with those who haven’t had bottom surgery. So, your beau may ask you to refer to his genitals as the “downstairs” or junk. However, they usually call their strap-ons “dicks” or any variation of the word.

Keep in mind that testosterone changes the shape of trans men’s genitals, so what was formerly the clitoris may resemble a small penis. It’ll also be much more sensitive than before. Therefore, if you wanted to demonstrate your knowledge, you would say that you want to kiss around, not in the area. And as always, you should refer to it by using the gender-affirming language that works for your partner.

Dysphoria probably won’t only affect your lover’s lower region. They may also feel shy about baring their chest. That’s why discussing it before actually sexting is so helpful. You wouldn’t want to text “I want to rip your shirt off” if they wouldn’t want to take their shirt or binder off during sex. That would definitely put a damper on the mood!

Most importantly: keep it fun and sexy

Remember, it won’t be fun if you keep walking on eggshells around your partner. Obviously, you should try not to make any glaring mistakes. We don’t recommend referring to one of their body parts in a way that will make them feel invalidated. However, don’t be afraid to ask about things you don’t understand — and, more importantly, listen to the response.

Ultimately, sex with transgender people can be just as hot as with anyone else. You just have to remember to show your excitement and enthusiasm more than any trepidation. Talk to your partner, look up some FTM sex tips, and then unleash what you’ve learned in a chain of sexy texts. Your trans boyfriend will thank you!