Are you new to BDSM and want to learn how to be a good sub? Or are you just looking for ways to better serve your dom?
If you’ve seen the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey,” then you may already have an idea of what BDSM looks like and what subs do. Of course, that’s just one side of this type of relationship. There are many more things subs do. For starters, there are certain rules for submissives to follow—and not all of them are the same.
We know that sounds super confusing. That’s why we’ve listed some of the most common ones to give you an idea. We also added a bit more info in this article to help you become the best sub you can be.
9 Everyday Rules for Submissive Wives
If doms follow certain rules, subs also have their own set of strict rules for the relationship to run smoothly. The rules are quite extensive and often set forth by the dom. But both parties must agree to it before anything is enforced. After all, BDSM is only for consenting adults.
If you’re new to BDSM and want to be the best sub ever, here are 9 rules for submissives you may want to check out.
1. Always be loyal to your dominant partner
If there’s one rule you should never forget, it’s this one. Subs are expected to be loyal to their dom. When you enter a BDSM relationship as a sub, you must remain loyal to your dom at all times.
You must be entirely monogamous, giving your dom complete control over you. You can’t have other sexual partners or contract other doms. The only time this is acceptable is when your dom’s the one to request it.
2. Manage all household chores
Part of being a sub is serving your master—and household management is part of that. Make sure you keep the house running smoothly without much intervention from him but keep it to his preferences. Don’t let your master go home to a dirty home and cold meal—or, worse, no meal at all.
Have a warm meal (and smile) ready for him when they get home. You can up the ante by wearing something extra hot and sexy while waiting for your master.
3. Be less assertive
Your goal as a sub is to be the exact opposite of your dom. It’s not your place to create the rules. Your role is to obey, follow orders, and happily accept your punishment when you mess up. You can set boundaries, but leave the rules to your dom and understand that decisions aren’t yours to make.
You should also refrain from asking questions. Unless your dom is crossing a line, you shouldn’t question their motives. Another good sub trait is silence. Don’t give your opinion unless your master asks for it. So practice speaking less.
While subs enjoy the feeling of helplessness and like letting someone else take the reins in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. Don’t let yourself be bullied into doing something you don’t like.
Additionally, make it a point to observe what your master wants. Listen to what they say and don’t say. All doms are unique in their own way and have different tastes. Some like punishing bratty subs while others want unconditional worship. Observe your master’s body language carefully and give them what they want.
Doms love control. If you give them that and devote yourself to them, they’ll take good care of you and you’ll receive special treatment for being a good slave. That’ll help both of you enjoy the relationship more and have a better sex life.
4. Refer to your dom how he wants to be called
In a typical dom-sub relationship, doms have a specific name they want their subs to call them. Most doms are referred to as “Master” but the exact title may vary depending on the relationship. For example, if you’re in a DDLG relationship, you’ll refer to your dom as “Daddy.” You must call your dom whatever they want to be called, even in public, unless otherwise requested.
5. Respond to your dom in a timely manner
Subs are expected to respond promptly to their doms. For example, if your master messages you, you must text them back pronto. You may also be requested to send photos or dirty messages every hour or so. Don’t be late in doing so—or there’ll be consequences.
Additionally, if your dom planned something, you must arrive on time. If you’re late, expect some form of punishment. And when you approach your dom, you must do it in a submissive manner. For example, you may have to kneel or crawl whenever they’re present. You should also never meet their gaze. Keep your eyes down unless they ask you to look at them.
6. Mind your body language
To be a good sub, you first need to know your place and how to act. Both doms and subs have their own body language. If dominants are assertive, confident, and often demanding in their relationships, submissives are the complete opposite. Some of the things you can do to assert your submissive role include making yourself look as small as possible. Keeping your head down and lowering your shoulders can help you achieve this.
Also, make sure to avoid direct eye contact unless you’re asked to do so. Looking your dom directly in the eyes may make you appear arrogant or rude. Likewise, averting your eyes to the ceiling or wall when talking to your dom might make you look defiant. So just keep your eyes on the floor.
7. Always ask permission
Asking permission is another basic rule you need to follow religiously as a sub. Don’t do things without your master’s orders, such as when to kneel, where to sit, or how to behave. You should also refrain from orgasming or masturbating without permission.
Your orgasms belong to your dom, so don’t have one unless your dom allows it. It’s their right to decide whether you’re allowed to have sexual release or not.
Some doms may even hold off until their subs are begging for release before they enable them to orgasm while others bring them to the edge but deny orgasm. You must obey your master at all costs no matter what they ask (as long as it doesn’t cross a hard limit)—or risk getting punished.
Depending on your relationship dynamics, this rule may extend to your daily activities. Some BDSM relationships extend beyond the four corners of their room.
If that’s you, you’ll also need to ask for basic daily activities such as drinking, eating, and even going to the bathroom. Other submissives even ask their doms for approval when selecting outfits and making purchases. You may also be asked to keep a daily log of activities, so they know exactly what you’ve been up to the whole day.
8. Always follow your dom’s lead
As a sub, your primary task is to serve and please your master. So if they make a request during play, it’s your duty to fulfill it. Some requests may include referring to him by specific names. For example, he may tell you to refer to them as “Master” and yourself as “slave.” They may even forbid you to speak or make noises while having sex.
You should also wait for the go signal from your master before using a sex toy. They may even ask you to wear a symbol of your relationship in public, such as a collar. Some of these “requests” are quite challenging, but you simply can’t refuse your dom.
9. Be ready to give what your dom wants
Doms can demand to have sex—and subs can’t refuse. Likewise, your dominant partner may also request you to greet them naked for their viewing pleasure when they get home after work.
Knowing they can interrupt their subs any time of the day gives them immense pleasure and a sense of power. This also allows subs to fulfill their primary role, which is to satisfy their master. So you need to be prepared to give what they need at all times.
9 Submissive Positions to Try
Now that we’re done talking about the rules, it’s time to talk about positions! Here are some of the best BDSM sex positions that can help you embrace your submissive side.
1. The Bow
Most subs enjoy kneeling because it emphasizes their meek nature. If this is you, then kneel down before your partner. Keep your knees wide apart with your hands palm up on your thighs and your eyes downcast.
This position doesn’t just enforce absolute surrender. It also exposes your genitals which adds to the feeling of openness and vulnerability. Sitting on the edge of the bed or a low chair with knees apart is also an option for those who can’t kneel due to health reasons.
2. The Spreader
Sex position #55 - Sexpositions.club
This starts in a missionary position. Lie down on your back and lift your legs up. Your partner will then sit on their heels and grab one ankle with each hand and spread them apart, fully exposing your intimate bits for their taking. To amp up the heat, your partner can take their time staring at your body as they slowly slide in and out of you. Being watched like that isn’t just insanely hot. It also puts you in a very vulnerable position.
3. The Doggy Style
Sex position #140 - Sexpositions.club
The doggy style is one of the most known positions. Even non-BDSM couples do this. But you can take things a little further by lifting your butt higher for easier access. Adding a pillow under your stomach helps make the position more comfortable. Plus, it feels more objectifying, increasing the feeling of submission. And the fact that your partner is behind you instead of facing you makes things feel more impersonal and primal.
4. The Lowered Dog Style
Sex position #316 - Sexpositions.club
The doggy style is a classic and we all love it. But if you’re bored with it or want to try something different, you can try a variation of it. By simply lowering yourself down on your elbow and lifting your ass up, you get into a hot new position. You can turn your head to the side or lie face down on a pillow.
This way, you get the intensity of the doggy style with the added thrill of completely offering your body to your dom. Your partner can also push the back of your head and pull your hands behind you or rest their weight on your shoulders to hold you down. Aside from adding heat and intensity to the position, this also makes you feel like you’re completely under their control.
5. The Doggy Blowjob
Sex position #193 - Sexpositions.club
This position puts a fun spin on the doggy style. Get on your hands and knees as you would with the normal doggy position. But instead of your partner entering behind you, have them kneel in front of you. Now, proceed to give them head.
To make the encounter more intense, your partner can hold onto the back of your head to keep you steady while they push and pull you against their genitals. This gives them total control over the thrusting pace. Of course, make sure you have a safe gesture or symbol to show if things are getting way too intense for you.
6. The Submissive Wheelbarrow
Sex position #241 - Sexpositions.club
This position is similar to doggy style but with a bit more acrobatic twist. Instead of kneeling, the penetrating partner stands up. You, on the other hand, need to get on all fours and raise your legs up so your partner can grab and lift them. He’ll then enter from behind and pull your legs for a deeper thrust.
7. The Armlock
Sex position #230 - Sexpositions.club
This power grab position is quite similar to doggy style but gives extra control to the dominant partner penetrating from behind. To do this, your partner will grab one or both your arms back, depending on how intense you want the scene to be, and pin you down with his body while in a doggy position.
If you want to up the domination factor, you can use a rope, a scarf, or handcuffs, which will serve as light bondage. A little bit of dirty talking and hair pulling also helps add an extra thrill to the whole thing. Of course, make sure to do research before using ties and restraints to ensure safety.
8. The Open Book
Sex position #209 - Sexpositions.club
This one’s super hot but requires a bit of flexibility. Get started on a missionary pose and lift your legs up to your head. Your partner will then hold your legs wide open (as if opening a book) while positioning themselves between your legs.
This position doesn’t just make you feel fully exposed and vulnerable, it also creates the perfect entrance to your jelly roll. For extra intensity, your partner can hold down your hands above your head or you can bring your legs into a cannonball position.
9. The Sweet Surrender
Lie down on the bed with your hands tied down behind your head. Now, anything is possible as you’re at your most vulnerable in this position. Your partner has total dominance over you. This is also the perfect position to experiment with different types of oral or penetration pleasure.
The images are provided by SexPositions.Club.
Submissive Tasks vs. Punishments
Tasks and punishments are two different things. Punishments are given when a sub acts up or messes up. Submissive tasks, on the other hand, are requests doms make that subs need to accomplish. Tasks aren’t given as a form of punishment for bad behavior. But subs can be punished for not finishing their tasks on time.
Not all subs perform the same tasks. It all depends on the dom. In fact, the type of tasks assigned by the dominant partner directly reflects the kind of BDSM relationship you have.
These tasks can be sexual but often aren’t. They can also be one-off or integrated into your daily routine. In most cases, these include sending sexy selfies, serving food and drinks, going to the gym, and doing household chores. Some tasks include cleaning and preparing BDSM wearables, bondage ropes, and other toys, giving subs practical purpose in the relationship. Over time, they can become more demanding or intricate.
For outsiders, these tasks may seem forced. But BDSM isn’t all about domination and physical contact. It’s also about trust and respect. No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want. In fact, some couples even discuss and agree on the type of tasks given beforehand. Doms and subs set rules before moving forward to ensure no one crosses the line. After all, consent is an integral part of any power exchange relationship.
But why do doms assign tasks to their subs?
There are several reasons why they do so. For starters, they serve as a reminder of the power dynamic in the relationship. They’re also an effective way to train subs to be more submissive. These tasks also help doms determine how well their subs listen to them.
Final Thoughts
Beginner subs often feel lost and have no idea what to do or how to improve. After all, surrendering control to someone else isn’t easy and not for everyone. But if submission gives you a sense of fulfillment, you’ll never regret giving up full control to your partner.
And as long as your partner knows how to handle a sub’s feelings and wishes, a dom-sub relationship may actually be beneficial for both of you. But remember, the relationship will only work if there’s honest communication between the two of you.
Lastly, the power dynamic may dictate that you take the submissive role, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have a say in anything. In fact, subs have more power because they can stop an activity by simply saying the safe word.
